adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
