Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
