put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
