Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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