Buhtt sex?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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