he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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