The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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