ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
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I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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