Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
