I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Randomize
