to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
