Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We are two peas in an std pod
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
