I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
