out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
