My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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