No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
did i just pee glitter
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
