matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
