The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
