its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My ass is underappreciated
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
