Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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