u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
