it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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