The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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