well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
