Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
