He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
