Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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