Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
