I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
