We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
