I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
