were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my shit smells like andre
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
