All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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