Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
