i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Sober January is a disaster.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize