Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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