Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
