Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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