The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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