Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
