I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
