he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
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