so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
