Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
