i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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