How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
