Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
