3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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