Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
