you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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