4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
