He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
