Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
