There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
