oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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