K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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