He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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