Pants 0. Shit 1.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
