So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
