yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Randomize
