She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
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Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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