i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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