I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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