Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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