Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
