I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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