I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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