Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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