North Korea, Best Korea!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
