so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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