Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
