Please, let me fuck your mom
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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