dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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