I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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