Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Terrible idea I love it
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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