he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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