Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
