Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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