Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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