God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize