Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
